I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated. The Augusteum warns me not to get attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may once have intended to serve. Yesterday I might have been a glorious monument to somebody, true enough - but tomorrow I may be a fireworks depository. Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation.
The chaos that I have let surround me in the past year was something that this world brought upon me to test my limits of self discipline, self sacrifice, and more important the transformation of myself. I had a conversation with a friend last night about not wanting to have looked to deep into my being over the past year because of the darkness that was surrounding me. When depression and loneliness surrounded my very well being I fought and kicked and self medicated. I fought the fight and I won.
I am a glorious monument to myself and I believe in that and cherish it. It took some changes that were not anticipated or even anything I could have been prepared for but I am now a more confident and radiant woman because of it. There is never a moment will you will be totally prepared for a riotous or endless wave of choas, but coming out on the other side is an accomplishment that noone can take away from you.
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