What a roller-coaster of a year 2012 has been. I fell in love. I moved to quick. I struggled. I got hurt (bad). I lost a job. A job I loved. I lost my way. I got lost while I lost my way. I dug myself out of a hole. I rehabbed my injury back to a place where I can push myself to be strong again. I turned 35. I had an issue with turning 35. Now I am okay with it. Love: a rough road to follow sometimes. a rough journey to see through. getting over the difficulties together forms a union that gets stronger everyday. Grace is returned even when along the way the devil shows his horns. Loss: losing a job i loved opened so many doors to possibilities i would have never seen if my eyes were still shut. some jobs trap you and some jobs free you to be successful and that builds your confidence. sometimes they fall in your lap at the right time and with the right people. i feel blessed to know i don't burn bridges and always keep in touch with people that can help me. Lost: part of my nature i am assuming. sometimes not knowing what is going to happen next freaks the hell out of me. yes i can be a control freak. but this time i was at the will of karma, fate, faith and belief. a lesson learned only through patience, gritting out the hard days and knowing something better will come along Pain: injuries side line people. i let it get me down, i did. but i fought back with everything i had to get better. i lost every once of work i put in for the past two years to get strong physically and mentally. it just goes to show you that sometimes you have to listen to your body and learn from your body. i am grateful to the physical therapist who helped heal my injury (ankle), my belief and confidence to walk again. Now... i am joining crossfit on monday, i hope to document my journey down the road to regaining my strength. the new skinny is strong. i want my stamina and confidence and sexiness back. i will get it and nothing will stop me. i love my job. some days it is trying but it helps you appreciate the good days more. i love my boyfriend. some days i don't know how or why i do, but we have definitely come a long way on communicating, sharing space, sharing ourselves and building a foundation that is not quick sand, it is small stable structure. ... more to come...

Grateful

I have been writing a journal to the best of my ability to be sure and remind myself to be grateful for things in my life. Health, life, freedom, a job, or jobs, friends, shedding friends that aren't worthy.
Family, life and love.
I am finally in the career I want to be. TRAVEL. Still trying to get my bearings but I am giving it my best shot. If anyone wants to travel let me know.
Doing boot camp right now and going to start training for he Spartan Race in August of 2012. Putting together a girls group should be fun!

Its Been Another Year

Funny how so much can change in a year. Life, love, trying to find love, living situations, friendships and more importantly me. Somedays I feel like i am going backwards. Most days I am pursuing a dream and a passion for travel and figuring out how to make my passion my career.
A vow I would like to make this year is to me more active on my blog. Continue with Bikram Yoga and watch and experience how it will change my body and my life. Continue to constantly improve myself and the lives of those around me. I would also like to be more involved in the community in which I live. I am reaching out to anyone that can help me become involved in community service in Beverly. I love this town and plan to live here for as long as possible.

I am on my own. In my own place for the first time basically ever in my life. It is so fantastic. I have to work a little harder and be a little more aware of what I am doing with my money. But all in all I am finally happy in a place that I call my own.

The year ahead, has new learning experiences as I embark on studying to become a certified Travel agent...with that I need to find a job to help with my learning experience. I hope to reach Colorado for a reunion of friends and family that once lived out there.
My 34th birthday is on Monday and per usual it seems as if there is a hurricane... Irene heading towards us. It was a day I had hoped to spend on a boat with some close friends but it may not be possible. But nonetheless... I will go home and be with family and hopefully spend time with some friends as well. Fingers crossed i get a Kayak.

I am sure I will have more reflection over the next few days. I will do my best to pay due diligence to keeping this updated.
Cheers!

A Wise Man Once Said

"Adversity is another way to measure
the greatness of individuals. I never had
a crisis that didn't make me stronger."
- Lou Holtz

Digesting Eat Pray Love 2

I look at the Augusteum, and I think that perhaps my life has not actually been so chaotic after all. It is merely this world that is chaotic, bringing changes to us all that nobody could have anticipated. The Augusteum warns me not to get attached to any obsolete ideas about who I am, what I represent, whom I belong to, or what function I may once have intended to serve. Yesterday I might have been a glorious monument to somebody, true enough - but tomorrow I may be a fireworks depository. Even in the Eternal City, says the silent Augusteum, one must always be prepared for riotous and endless waves of transformation.

The chaos that I have let surround me in the past year was something that this world brought upon me to test my limits of self discipline, self sacrifice, and more important the transformation of myself. I had a conversation with a friend last night about not wanting to have looked to deep into my being over the past year because of the darkness that was surrounding me. When depression and loneliness surrounded my very well being I fought and kicked and self medicated. I fought the fight and I won.

I am a glorious monument to myself and I believe in that and cherish it. It took some changes that were not anticipated or even anything I could have been prepared for but I am now a more confident and radiant woman because of it. There is never a moment will you will be totally prepared for a riotous or endless wave of choas, but coming out on the other side is an accomplishment that noone can take away from you.

Digesting Eat Pray Love 1

To find the balance you want, this is what you must become. You must keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it's like you have 4 legs instead of 2. That way, you can stay in the world. But you must stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart, instead. That way, you will know God.

I took a moment today to step away from work. Work for me is a binge i am on a 23 day binge without a day off. lately i work to survive. It is not a way of life I enjoy.
I am currently reading Eat Pray Love and took my "lunch break" to sit in a near by park to break away from my binge and enjoy the sun, the earth, the noise of children in the summer and let my mind be somewhere else. I am in the first "chapter" of the book. The above quote comes from when the main character goes to Bali and visits a medicine man and she asks for the clarity of letting god into her life and how to balance it with the distractions of the world. I am not necessarily saying I am becoming religious or event spiritual at this time but finding balance has always been a constant struggle. I even had a conversation about balance with my mother this morning. I would like to practice this mantra. I am going to make a conscious effort to do so. I have a feeling there will be many lessons learned about life, love and career in Eat Pray Love.

ahhhh... interpretation of life...
it is what you make of it and when you get better at it better things come along.

Love... learning to let go and give into the benefits of new experiences... can free your mind to believe in love again.

Career is a constant the one constant that I can depend every day.